


You should go and Fuck (Love) Yourself.

by WrongColour



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Monster-Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 18:07:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9001096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrongColour/pseuds/WrongColour
Summary: I wrote this for an English work, but I wanted to post it here as well. I hope you'll like it.- I'm french so I know there'll be some mistakes but I hope it's not that bad.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for an English work, but I wanted to post it here as well. I hope you'll like it.  
> \- I'm french so I know there'll be some mistakes but I hope it's not that bad.

Louis Tomlinson was a young and beautiful man. His life had always been really easy since his parents were rich and he always succeeded at school so he never had to do anything by himself, and he was very happy about that. His girlfriend was the most beautiful young lady of high school so he'd never asked himself why he chose to date her.

With his long and blond hair, his judging grey eyes and his charming yet cold white smile could always get him whatever he wanted.

There was just one person who saw him through his entire barriers, but he never thought back of that time.

He was fine with his life. No one ever bothered him and if somebody did he could get rid of it too easily. He stopped counting the number of people who had to leave this high school because of him now.

Even when he graduated and got his high functionary job, nobody could tell him anything. His pocket was always full and his mouth never stopped when he felt superior to someone – and he felt superior to a lot of people. His father never let him down whenever he asked him for money since his mother died – he never really spoke to him either, but it didn't matter. Louis didn't need no one's love. His girlfriend was there when he needed a distraction and that was all that mattered. Maybe one day he'll marry her for some money – for what it's worth.

At this day he's at the top of his own society – guaranteed by his father, the paper was signed between a Sunday’s lunch before they went to see his mother's grave – and he doesn't have anything to worry about. Everybody is at his feet, he can fire and hire just among his mood and his employees know really well that it's never a good thing to be in his office.

He just fired an other young African girl, telling her she wasn't good enough to stay in his society and laughing at her face when she started to cry.

\- Not everybody get the chance to succeed in life, isn't it?

She looked at him with a mix of anger and supplication in her dark brown eyes.

\- Please, you can't do that to me … This job is all my life and if I lose it I won't be able to stay in this country … I have a baby on my own and you know that I won't be able to feed him if you fire me. I worked so hard for this job and you promised me I would be able to stay as long as I had to if I took your job instead of the one from your concurrent …

Louis Tomlinson just laughed once more and planted his cold grey eyes in hers.

\- Oh, of course I can. Why would I keep you when I can have a dozen other girls who would be far much charming by my side?

The girl left her compassion and let her anger pierce through her gaze.

\- You'll never find happiness Mr Tomlinson. All your life you'll regret being so mean and so emotionless towards others when you could have saved their life. You're not the King you think you can be.

\- Yeah, yeah whatever. Please close the door when you leave,

He added without giving her any more time – like she was meaningless. She glared at his back during a moment as if she was praying for something terrible to happen to him right now, before she stood back up and took her things without another word.

He only huffed and forgot everything about this other girl who, just like every other employee in the past, took this one way trip to his office. What an annoyance.

 

**

Lizzy, Louis's girlfriend was gone when he had to wake up. She got up at seven to go to work early when he only had to leave at ten. Lizzy always had to work until 4 pm and then she spent the afternoon drinking teas and shopping with her friends. Louis got back from work at 7 pm finding his girlfriend in the kitchen cooking. They kissed, he took a glass of white wine – even if he despised it – and turned on the TV. They watched a film while eating and then Lizzy told him about what she learned earlier on each of her friends and on every interesting person of this town – from her perspective at least.

When the evening was over they went to sleep and just kissed good-night before heading to sleep. They rarely did more and it was often just to pass time. No love was to be shown between the both of them and they didn't really care – or at least that's what they told themselves.

However when our story began, Lizzy had left early to get ready for the first costumers of the bar she works into. Louis woke up everyday at 8 am to take his time in the shower and have time to watch some program TV before he had to leave. Today wasn't different, Louis's alarm went off and he breathed out to try to find the power to get up. No time for laziness in Mr Tomlinson' life.

Nevertheless he felt kind of weird when he tried to lift his head from the pillow. Something was different and he didn't know why. Maybe he was not entirely awake?

He groaned and ran a hand in his long blond hair and then suddenly stopped. Wait …

\- What the -

His hair weren't the same as yesterday. He was absolutely sure of it, he never had hair so … Stiff and … Coarse …

What was happening anyway?

He got up really fast to try to go and take a look at a mirror and see whatever the hell was going on when he stumbled over something and yelped when it hurt him in the back.

\- What the hell?

He tried warily to take a look at what just made him stumble and almost passed out at the minute he saw it.

A … Tail?

Like, a big gigantic tail with fur on the end that seemed to be attached to … His back?

Louis trembled and tried to take a sit on his bed but realized he couldn't because he had … A tail on his back.

A dark and cold puff of air seemed to pass through his entire body when he realized that it could be even worse. Before he went to his mirror he tried once more to run a hand through his hair, praying that it was just a twist of his mind. But when he felt the stiff and coarse mane he had around his hair his knees started to turn like jelly. And not the good kind of jelly.

He dragged himself with a lot of difficulties to his mirror and tried to calm the trembling of his hands. When he stopped in front of it he breathed in deeply and lifted his head cautiously.

And his mind went blank.

Only six words hammered his skull.

“ _You wanted to be a King?”_

 

**

He called off for today's work. He had never done that before but from the way his tone was harsh his colleagues didn't ask . And then he went back in bed, thought about sending his girlfriend a message, or, something that could warn her. But he realised that … Nothing could prepare anybody for something like that.

After the first half of an hour struggling in bed Louis got up and went back in front of his mirror. No, nothing had changed and no matter how hard he tried punching and pinching himself, he didn't wake up. It wasn't a dream.

And somewhere deep in his mind he knew it couldn't be a dream.

He didn't make any dream.

Apart from work and maybe a few erotic things Louis never dreamt of anything. He didn't want to anyway.

Maybe when he was a kid he tried to dream, that he escaped from his life and his father but it they were meaningless and a waste of time. And time is money. Money can't be lost. No time for dreams but only for studies and work.

In the end there he was, thinking about those times where he still believed in dreams. It was such a long time ago, he forgot about it. Why did such a thing exist? And why is it the only thing he can think about when he should be considering calling a doctor or his father or anybody that could help him?

No, he couldn't call anyone. Who would believe him in the first place? Who would stay by his side?

If it was one of his relatives he would have despised him. He's a monster. How could he hope for any help?

Louis tried to rip off his hairs, he pulled his tail as hard as he could and ended up crying because it hurt like hell. Then he smashed his head against a wall, nearly knocking himself out. He screamed in despair a hundred of times.

When he abandoned, out of breath and his entire body shaking and his brain so empty it frightened him, his stomach groaned. Well, it was 3pm and he hadn't eaten anything until then. He began to wonder what he would be able to eat. Would he have to swallow an entire raw and bloody piece of meat to be satisfied? He didn't know if he should eat at all.

But his stomach ached so much and it groaned again and then a growled escaped from his mouth. Like his body was no longer in his power.

Deciding not to fight and that maybe eating would be better than lying on the floor, not doing anything, Louis got up. He went to his kitchen trying not to trip over his tail. He growled at it. Well, his reactions seemed to become a little bit excessive. But he was hungry and angry.

After fighting with this sort-of-instinct that was telling him to not take any vegetables and just eat the entire bowl of the prepared sausages – they were supposed to have a barbecue this week-end –, Louis felt better. He managed to eat a few carrots and three pieces of raw ham. And now his mind suggested that maybe he should try to seek for help on the internet. It may have already happened to other people who didn't care about others lives and got cursed by some weird witches.

But after an hour of searches he understood that he wouldn't be able to get anything. He took his head in his hands. His breathing quickened. He was shaking and his eyes were burning. He didn't understand. Why, why? He knew why. But still, why him? Why did this have to happen to him? He tried okay, he tried to be better. He tried to not fall into this mean circle. But he didn't have a choice. He didn't …

Maybe he did. Once in the past a hand was here to help him out. But he let his chance pass and after that he didn't have a second chance.

He couldn't have any control on his life. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't –

A loud noise behind him made Louis startle. He turned his head to see the origin of the broken glass he heard and when he saw his girlfriend's horrified face he tried to hide his face and stumbled to get out of her gaze.

\- Oh my -

\- Please, please don't say anything,

Louis begged. But his girlfriend couldn't look anywhere else and she finally screamed.

\- Who are you? Stay away from me don't, what are you?

She took a look to her right and decided for a pan that she brandished in front of her.

\- Get out of here, do you here me? Get out of here you monster, freak, don't -

Her words got stuck in her throat from fear. She was shaking but she didn't fall on the ground even though her legs felt like jelly.

\- Please honey it's me, it's just me, Louis, I just, if you could …

\- Get out! My husband is not a monster like you. Get out of here!

She didn't let go of the pan but took a step back when Louis tried to approach her with his hands before him in a reassuring gesture. He knew at that moment that he was glad he learned how to understand and adapt to frightened people.

\- Hey, it's me. It's me and I can prove it to you, just please take this pan down …

Something flashed in her eyes. She dropped the pan and put one hand over her mouth in shock. But it wasn't the reaction Louis wanted to have.

\- You … Louis, it's …

He tried to smile even though he knew his fangs and hairs and moustache and whatever his lion's face looked like wouldn't help. Lizzy stepped back once again and tried not to fall on the ground, looking for something to hold her on her feet.

\- Please, don't be frightened. We can work this out okay? It's me and I won't hurt you, I -

\- Get out of here.

Lizzy's face was closed. Her eyes were shining with fear and tears but her tone was firm.

\- But-

\- Get out of here. Now. Or I swear to God I will call the police or the army or anyone and they will hunt you down because you are a monster.

Louis's heart broke into millions of pieces. He wasn't supposed to be this affected, he was a man, a grown up man and he was Louis Tomlinson. No one could get to him. Not even his girlfriend. He was supposed to be over her, and over everyone because he was a King.

But yet her words broke his heart and he stumbled until she yelled at him. He let an animal squeak escape his throat and almost growled at her in despair. But he couldn't, she was right, he was a monster and he wasn't supposed to be here. He couldn't frighten her more.

It was over for him.

 

**

After escaping his own house Louis felt relieved that he thought of putting his car keys in his pocket. And he was glad he put on a jacket with a hood so that he could at least hide his face a little bit.

He drove to his family's home. His mother was dead but he still had a father and this one couldn't ditch him. He was his child, his only child. Even if his father was harsh and unforgiving Louis believed that somewhere deep inside of him he loved him. As a son. As the only thing left from his mum, the woman that he loved.

But when he called him to avoid the butler that would have answered the door and asked him to come outside, his father rejected him without any more explanation. He wouldn't receive him.

So Louis went to the door and after all the yelling from the butler, the maid and the cooker, his father got out of his office and faced him.

The look in his eyes was all Louis needed to see.

He thought his heart was broken because his girlfriend, one of the people he should have cared about the most, threw him outside of his own house.

But it was nothing compared to the reaction of his father. His own father, who raised him, who was supposed to care about him as his only son and who grabbed his shotgun and aimed at him with a single warning before starting to shoot.

 

**

Louis had never felt so miserable in his life. He was alone and a monster and his life was such a wreck he couldn't even breathe any more.

He drove all the way from his childhood's house until the city like a mad man, uncaring about the traffic regulations and now he was having a panic attack. He almost crashed against a tree and then into children, he barely heard the mother scream before he retrieved his spirits. He finally stopped the car in the middle of the pavement not knowing where the hell he was.

Or maybe he did know. Maybe he went there with a purpose. And when he got out of the car trying to not hear the screams from all the people staring at his lion's face and tail and saw a lady's face across from a window he knew why he was here.

He didn't even think about locking his car or anything and just ran to pound on the window, trying to get her attention.

\- You! Hey, you, open this! And look at me you filthy horrendous witch!

His tone was harsh, even harsher than when he yelled at his colleagues when they didn't work enough in his office. He felt pure anger and desperation in his bones.

The lady lifted her head at the moment she heard noises outside. She put her hands over her mouth and looked terrified. But she came closer to the window and shyly opened it, trying to hide her fear.

\- Who are …

\- You! It's your fault that I'm a monster now and you have to make me go back to normal or else I will end you, do you hear me?

He couldn't think and just let his anger spill out of him.

But the young lady's eyes wavered. She recognized him. From fear she went to anger too.

\- Oh yeah, really? And what will you take from me now? You already fired me, remember? Do you really think you can make me fall even more? So what, you'll throw me outside? Because I almost already live in the streets. You're gonna take my child from me? I'm already losing him because if I can't feed him I will just have to abandon him if I want him to survive. What else? What are you gonna take from me, Mr King? What will satisfy your devouring appetite?

A tear went down on her cheek but she didn't falter. She stayed up, a hand on her hip and recklessness in her eyes. Louis was the one who stumbled and took a few steps back.

What did he do? How could he be such a … Monster …

And then he understood.

She couldn't help him. She couldn't cure him and make him a human again.

Because even if he looked like a human before,

he was already a monster inside.

Louis ran away without adding anything.

 

**

He was walking for five hours now. His feet hurt and his heart ached. His stomach growled once again.

_What will satisfy your devouring appetite?_

He couldn't eat. Even if he had something on him he couldn't. He had had enough. He was a monster.

He was such a monster.

He didn't want to live any more.

Yet, could he be such a coward? Did he really have the right to be a coward until the end? Didn't he have to, like, try to repair things he damaged, make things right for the people he destroyed?

But how? How could he make things right again? Now he looked like a monster. Now his father and the person who lived with him didn't want him any more.

He tried to take a look at his phone but no one had tried to reach him. He went on Facebook and saw a post from Lizzy saying that he wasn't reachable and that she didn't know if anyone would see him again. He didn't read the answers of the post and almost threw his phone in the gutter.

However he realized that without his phone he was nothing. It was the only thing left on him that could make him feel himself. And when he realized that he fell on his knees and cried, cried, cried. His sobs looked like animal plaints and he curled on himself, his tail tickling his face like it was trying to comfort him. He almost bite at it before remembering how hurtful it was and then cried more.

People had been screaming in the streets when they saw him the entire day. They had been running away from him even if he wasn't coming to them. It's when he heard the first sirens that he decided to leave the centre of the city to seek for some shadow.

It was all that was left for him.

Awful thoughts came to his mind. Depressing and damaging ones. Words he said on a daily basis to people he talked to. Words that destroyed more than one life.

He knew people had killed themselves because of him. He already knew that from the beginning.

He knew the people who went to his office when he needed to fire them weren't able to get back to their feet. He knew the woman who cursed him couldn't have a job and that's why he took her in in the first place before he decided to change his mind.

But he never stopped.

He never stopped killing people's lives. Dreams. Hopes.

It was making him happy.

It was making him feel like his life was better than theirs.

It was making him feel alive.

But he was only a monster.

He wasn't worthy of living.

He deserved nothing, nothing else but to die in here in the gutters with no one noticing.

And then a hand came in front of him. A hand touched his shoulder, and offered him something he didn't think he deserved.

Hope.

 

Memories flowed back in.

 

_Flash-back_

_He hit me once again. I can't do this any more, I can't be the son he wants me to be I can't do that, please someone, help me. I'm sorry mom I'm trying to be a better person but without you it's too hard. He's mean, brutal and unforgiving. I can't be the same person as him. But I'm not strong enough to defeat him, please give me your strength mom, the strength you had in yourself to be with him. That power that was more efficient than anything else. Show me how to Love._

_I am hiding in a park and I don't even know where I am. It is almost dark but I don't want to go back home. I don't want to face him any longer. He wants me to be a model and to be great at school but it's too hard. I want to be able to breathe and enjoy things, I don't even love my girlfriend any more. What can I do? Please someone, what can I do?_

_I hiss whenever anyone comes near me. I show my teeth and take people down from where my father told me I could judge them. Because if they see, if they see my weaknesses I will not be able to go back to that throne again and he will not forgive me. But right now it's too hard, too much. I can't be strong any longer. I can't be alone any longer._

_And then a shadow comes in front of me. I lift my head up and see a hand, followed by a face. I'm hiding in a bush but somebody found me. And I think I know that face._

_The young boy looks at me with a wry smile. He has dark hair and dark eyes and dark bracelets hang at his wrist._

_\- You want some help?_

_ His voice is  light and he seems nice, too nice for his own good.  I know him.  He's a student in  my high school. Harry Styles. An Italian guy or something. And he's always willing to help and taking care of th os e left-behinds. The ones that  I decided didn't belong in the same pace as  me . _

_ I hesitate. Why would Harry Styles give him a hand when  I have been so mean to everyone Harry likes? _

_ But when  I see his nice, caring and forgiving face  I take his hand. _

_ I need help. And even if  I don't deserve it maybe  I can be selfish once more. Because  I have to take  my chance to repair  my behaviour. _

_ \- What  is the most famous and despicable student of the highest High School in the world doing, hiding in a bush far away from his rich neighbourhood? _

_I remember that Harry Styles is one of the rare students who have been able able to attend to this school without being rich. It means that he doesn't live in the same neighbourhood and that he's pretty intelligent._

_But I don't have the strength to answer with a smirk as I usually do. I just bow my head and look at my feet trying to swallow my tears. I'm not supposed to cry. I can be strong, I just … I just …_

_\- Hey, you okay?_

_When I look up his eyes are full with concern and he has so much kindness in him that my tears just spill out. I fall to my knees and he comes around me and takes me in his arms without any hesitation._

_\- Hey, shh, it's gonna be okay just breathe. There, breathe, you're not alone. Shh._

_ His manners are so full of love and kindness that it reminds me  of my mom, and I can't help but cry a little bit more. _

_I miss her. I miss her so much and my father never let me cry for her._

“She wouldn't have want to see you cry.”

_I know that, okay, I know that she wanted me to be happy but I miss her and I want to cry because my mom is dead, why don't you let me be a little bit weak some times?_

_I hadn't realize I have been talking out loud until Harry unwrapped his arms from me to look at me in the eyes._

_\- You have the right to cry, okay? Even if she asked you not to. And it doesn't mean that you are weak. It means that you are human, and when it's sometimes hard to do the distinction, here it is not a bad thing._

_He stops and I nod at him, tears falling down on my cheeks. I sniffle and try to wipe off some of it to try to look normal again when he adds, shyly,_

_\- And I'm sorry about your mom. I didn't know, and I … I can understand how hard it can be. I wish I'll never lose mine._

_I smile and laugh bitterly. I didn't say it to anyone because I knew I would have never been able to_ _face anyone saying they are_ 'sorry for my lost' _. But it feels nice, coming from him. Oddly._

_\- Thank you._

_He smiles at me and waves like he's asking if he can take me back in his arms. I just throw myself at him without caring and cling to his arms until my tears dry._

_It felt like an eternity._

 

_End of the flash-back._

 

After the scene Louis offered to this so kind young man, when Harry Styles offered him to stay at his he ran away without a word. He never really thanked him. And Harry Styles never told a word at school while Louis was so scared he might ruin his entire life. But he kept it as a secret and Louis could keep on living his king's life like it never happened.

In some ways, deep, deep inside of him, rejecting his help was the biggest regret of his life.

 

**

Louis woke up, startled. The memories were fresh like it all just happened and he could still feel the hand on his shoulder. But he was alone. The street was empty and dirty. It was so cold Louis wondered how he was still alive. But he was and that had to count for something.

He got up. This dream wasn't meaningless. He could find that Harry Styles, Lizzy was talking about him the other day, saying he was getting famous from his job – something  with the poor. It wasn't really surprising. And it kind of comforted Louis because it meant Harry Styles was still the same, and maybe, maybe, he could help him. He had to believe in this or else he will let himself die in the  gutter.

 

**

After a few hours of searches and debates with himself Louis found the centre he knew Harry Styles worked at. And there he was waiting in front of the building, wondering if he should just enter like the other homeless people did or just wait. He didn't know what to wait for though so he passed the door, holding his breath.

He knew what he looked like but he couldn't change it so he just hoped his hood would be enough to hide his lion face. He bowed in a gesture of submission and followed the line of poor starving men, women and children. And now what, what was he supposed to do?

Then a little girl passed in front of him, giggling with other kids and looked up. She saw his face and yelped, scared. The other kids started to try to take a look and Louis wanted to hide but noises started to rise and soon enough the adults spotted him. The reactions were the same as in the streets. They fearfully took the children away and screamed. Some old men asked him to leave, treated him as a monster and a young lady spit at him.

\- I don't know who sent you to this earth but if it is to frighten you then say to the devil that there is nothing else left from us for him. Get out of here, monster. You will not take the little we can have in here.

Louis's heart broke a little more. He didn't know, he didn't want to know. He wasn't a part of this world and this all made him feel more miserable because here he was with his idiot problem when there were hundreds of people dying in front of him.

Then the voices rose and people became more sure of them. They spit at him too and began to throw things at his face to make him go. They knew he was a monster. And he couldn't defend himself.

But an other voice came and it was stronger than the others. Everybody stopped talking and  let the man of the voice pass through the crowd that had formed all around Louis. He was almost on his knees, he bowed and tried to hide his head in his hands. He didn't want them to see him. He didn't want them to know monsters were among them. He didn't want to be here.

\- Have you all gone mad? What happened, how could you all have been so violent toward somebody?

The voice was calm but firm and it was clear the man was trying to not let emotions overwhelm him. It wouldn't have solve anything to scream like they all did a few seconds earlier.

And it was also clear to Louis to whom belonged that voice.

The scared and helpless man began to look up behind his fingers. He lifted his head a little bit and felt so relieve when he recognise the boy who tried to save him once he forgot for a moment that he was a monster and got up quickly with a smile on his face.  However the man  took a step back and it hurt him so much Louis almost threw up. He never thought Harry Styles would reject him. While reality enveloped him making Louis wish to leave and let his father shot him in the heart in one motion,  Harry retrieved his spirits and grabbed his hand to prevent him to go anywhere. This simple gesture warmed up Louis's entire body and he was ready to give himself entirely to this man.

\- I'm sorry, hey, we're here for you. Stay inside please, it's way too cold outside. What if you came with me? You will tell me who you are and what happened to you, okay?

Louis sniffled and knew if he opened his mouth only an animal sound would leave his mouth and he didn't think scaring more people would help him so he just nodded. Please, I am ready to take your help now.

Harry nodded back and said a few words to the other people as if he was reminding them that they were supposed to help each others here but Louis wasn't listening any more. He didn't want to let go of his hand and the shorter man didn't seem to be in any position in dropping his either. It warmed him so much. It was the nicest gesture anyone ever had towards him in … Too much time. Maybe since his mother died. However it wasn't time nor place to think about it.

They left the hall and passed behind the tables that were full of food. Harry exchanged a few words with the other helpers who were serving the homeless to ask for a break that was gladly given – it seemed like he was appreciated here. They passed behind a door and stopped in the corner of the kitchen. Harry dropped Louis's hand to take off his apron and sighed. He seemed exhausted but didn't lose his smile when he looked at him.

\- Are you okay? Do you need to eat anything? We have everything you need if you want.

Louis shook slowly his head.  He was looking everywhere, unconsciously  looking for an exit. He was scared things could go wrong and wanted to make sure he would be able to escape if he needed to. Harry' gaze was piercing him so he tried to hide his face more. He didn't want people to look at him.

\- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, like, be scared from you or anything. I just was not expecting … This. But I won't be scared now, okay? You can stop hiding.

Louis looked into his eyes shyly and hesitated. It was easy to say it like that when you are supposed to be someone who accepts everyone. However even after an entire day staring at himself in the mirror Louis was still scared by himself so he knew he was wrong. But strangely he wanted to trust him and to stop hiding so he let go of his hood and dropped his jacket. It was warm in here and his tail was aching from being hidden in his back.

Harry' smile was gone but it wasn't because he was frightened. He seemed more concerned and almost hurt.  Louis struggled to watch him in the eyes. It was weird because he was usually the one to hold a gaze no matter what. He was the King, in his business you see.

\- What happened to you?

His voice was trembling as if he was individually touched by this situation.

\- I am a monster.

Harry shook his head.

\- No, you're not. You are still a human.

Louis copied him.

\- I have never been a human.

He added, this time holding his gaze as if he wanted to watch his reaction,

\- I am Louis Tomlinson.

 

**

After talking for almost the half of an hour Harry asked to go back home. He had already been working for more than he had to so nobody blamed him and he said good bye to everyone.

Louis went back home with him. They fought about this but Harry didn't want to let him sleep on his own in the street. Even when Louis retorted that he couldn't do this with every person in the streets  Harry didn't leave him any choice. And so Louis slept at his place on the couch and it was all he needed. He was living outside of the city in an old little house with his sister. She wasn't home for now so he had it all for himself. It wasn't a big place but it was good enough – it was the legacy of his grandparents. He even had  a dog. A lovely dark and big mixed breed. One of his ears was dropping while the other one was straight and it made him look so adorable Louis asked Harry to let him sleep with him. He was named Hades.

A few days passed by after this day. Louis told his story during the second day since Harry wasn't working. They then went together  to one of the associations he was helping and spent the day cooking for homeless people. Louis stayed hidden in the kitchen but it was still a lot for him. He had never done anything that wouldn't bring him anything in return and at the end of the day he knew  his wasn't paid for this work . Though he felt at peace for one of the first time of his life.

The following days Harry went to his work – he was working at a bakery and learning how to rule a business at the same time  (t ravail en alternance ) – so Louis spent these days playing with the dog and looking for something to do about his appearance. It may have been the fact that his helper was looking at him the same way he was looking at anyone else but his heart wasn't hurting that much when he looked at himself in the mirror, or took his shower. Though it was still making him feel like a monster when he roared when he burnt himself while cooking or when the meat was a little bit too red, his heart ached less now. He didn't know what Harry Styles was thinking about him because even if he treated him respectfully it didn't mean he was taking a liking in him. He never tried to help him come back to normal. He just fed him and made him participate to helping associations. Louis didn't know what to think any more.

After a few days, while Harry was at work he knew he couldn't just leave his past life like that. He had cleaned the house enough times now and he needed his things back. He needed to see where his business was at too. He may not be able to show at his office in this state but he could still do some things home.

So he left with Hades and a hat  glued to his head and decided to look for his car. It was parked in a garage and after a few words and a lot of fear the boss of the garage let him take it back without charges.

\- It can help to be a monster, doesn't it Hades?

The dog barked with approval. Louis  smiled and his tail tackled the dog that was sitting on the  car seat . He started the  vehicle and drove back home.

Home. He had never stayed so long outside of it and there he was, shyly opening the door like he was a stranger. Hades entered without any hesitation but stayed calmly in the hall. Willliam left him there and headed upstairs immediately. Lizzy wouldn't be home until a few hours so he had time but he didn't want to risk to see her. He wasn't ready.

When he saw that nothing had changed he tried not to think and  opened his drawer.  He put all of his 'important' stuff in a suitcase – he didn't really know what was important any more since he lived nearly a week without anything and managed to live – and opened his computer to see how things were going in his business. That was his first mistake. The second one was to leave the dog downstairs. And the third one was to forgot that he looked like a human-lion when he ran downstairs at the scream of his girlfriend.

She screamed even more and dropped all of her stuff. Hades was growling at her and Louis almost roared back but managed to hold it inside of him and to behave like a human being. He hid his face behind his hands and tried to calm Lizzy.

\- Hey, Lizzy, I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you it's okay, everything is okay please don't be mad at me. I just came back to pack my stuff and I was preoccupied by all the work I have to rearrange but I am leaving, okay? It's okay please don't be mad, I won't bother you any longer. Hades calm down and go wait outside, will you?

Strangely enough the dog obeyed immediately and walked by Lizzy without an other glance. Louis breathed out and bowed his head to leave the place too when she called him out. He turned his head with hope in his eyes but she only glared at him and a tear came down her cheek. He understood she was too scared to be able to talk to him for now. And it was okay, he couldn't ask her to behave like she … Like she could care about him now that he wasn't beautiful any more. He clutched a hand over his heart and took all of his stuffy before leaving without a wor d.

Hades was waiting outside next to the car and he seemed to sense the sadness of this strange man who was now his friend because he barked softly at him and kind of hugged him before they got in the car. After a last glance Louis left for his now new house.

Harry was waiting for them when they finally arrived and even if Louis should have been apologizing because he left without a word with his dog and went back home so late, he didn't let him say a word. Maybe it was because he saw the suitcase. Or maybe because his dog was really happy to see him so he didn't let him say so.

Or maybe the sadness in the lion's eyes was clearer than Louis wanted.

 

**

\-  Why do you let me stay at yours?

Harry looked up from his plate. They were eating pizzas  and drinking beers in front of the television, watching an old anime he seemed to have taken a liking to.  Louis had never drank a beer before, he was used to old disgusting – in his opinion – white wine and he felt so good the first time Harry offered him a beer. This was what made pizzas so delighted, and this was new for him to be able to drink it without fearing to look bad if he got fat.

\- Why are you asking me this?

Louis put his plate back on the table. He hadn't eaten anything. He looked up at Harry but still avoided his gaze when he saw the man was looking at his face. He didn't understand how he could be staring so much at him when he looked so bad. He was still a monster, nothing had changed.

\- I asked first.

He looked back up and tried to not let go.

Harry put his plate on the table too and crossed his legs on the couch  Louis was still sleeping on so he could face him. It meant he was giving him his full attention, Louis knew that – he learned it to be able to understand the human body in his business classes. It warmed him up. He didn't know if he was worthy of his attention or not but it was still a pleasant feeling.

\-  What do you want to know?

He sighed and bowed his head. When he was the one in control he was always the one who made others bow but here he was, so scared of this situation that he couldn't do it any other way.

\- I want to know why you are so kind to me. You are, like, helping so many other people who need help because they can not eat or sleep safely or away from the cold and yet here I am, a mean and destroyful person who doesn't deserve any help and you're spending more time with me than with them.

He caught his breath and continued, while Harry just watched and listened in silent. He knew he needed to let it all out. Hades was sleeping at their feet and he lifted his head as if he knew it was important too.

\- I have been nothing but mean towards so many people my entire life. And yet here you are, offering me a hand even after so many years. I never even bothered to come back to you at least to thank you but you kept on keeping the secret I told you without asking anything in return. What do you want? What do you want from me? You asked me to come at yours and apart from the times I went to  a voluntary thing with you I haven't done anything else. How am I supposed to give it back to you if you don't ask me anything? And even more, you accept me by your side. You only stepped away from me the first time you saw me and after that you have always treated me like I am your equal. Why, why do you keep looking at me like that? I never did anything for you and I come to you with all my problems and my – my malediction and you still give me a hand. How can you still look at me? You didn't get that I was a monster inside out, or you just don't care?

When everything was out a tear came down his cheek and Louis wiped it off immediately – he was a lot thankful that his hands hadn't been changed into paws because it would have been a lot more difficult some times. He looked at Harry bravely and tried not to fall down. He didn't know what to do any more. He managed to go back to work by th e intermediary of internet and it was working well from now, but then what? He hadn't find anything else as a cure for this. Would he stay here? Was he still with Lizzy? Would his father take him back as his son? Would he be able one day to go back to his business and take back the lead there?

\- Can I show you something tonight?

Louis looks up with bright eyes. Harry wasn't smiling but there was something in his eyes, something that made him hope and trust – two things he wasn't  used to feel.

\- Will it help me to answer to these questions?

He smiled.

\- It all depends on you, and on what you are ready to hear.

Louis closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them they were full of will.

It was the only answer Harry needed. He got up and headed for his shoes and his leather jacket, Hades on his feet. Louis hesitated but when the dog japed at him like they were waiting for him he followed them in capitulation.

They went to the streets Louis was now used to. He was living with Harry for a few weeks now and they helped at feeding the homeless every Saturday night. Then on Sundays they sometimes helped an other association so they were accustomed to these streets and the people living in it. They were not afraid of Louis's appearance any more – he highly believed that it was because they trusted Harry, and not just because he was giving them food too. However today it was Friday and they were not supposed to come here, it was not Harry' neighbourhood. But Louis followed him – he trusted him too and he kind of liked these streets now. They brought him  a comfortable feeling.

They said hi to some lonely people, to a woman and her three kids, to a dad and his daughter, to a gay couple who couldn't stay at their home because they had been kicked out. Reality was harsh though now Louis knew it and stopped closing his eyes on it. It was harsh but he felt way less helpless in front of them because he knew that even their presence could enlighten their days. They could get food and warmth every Saturday evening and even if it didn't save them from the street it could help them to go back on their feet. And the warmth he felt wasn't the same as the one he felt in front of his chimney every night when he lived in his home, before. Before it all happened.

And when he looked up at Harry he knew that was the point he wanted to get at. They wished a good night to everyone and left them to walk in new streets. They walked in silent a little bit, Hades playing with cats, going back and forth in front of them.

\- When I first met you, I knew what kind of person you were.

Harry started to talk, looking at the horizon. They kept on walking without a purpose and it felt nice.

\- Or at least I knew what kind of person you wanted people to think you were.

His smile perked up a little bit.

\- And it is a lot different. I realized it the day I found you in the park. I saw you cry and I heard what you said and even if you were still the same person who made so many people feel miserable, I understood that you weren't that bad. You were one of those people who suffered because of you, actually. And even if you ran away I knew that I couldn't blame you. It wasn't my job to tell you what to do and I only hoped that one day you would be able to  be happy too. As much as I hoped that Annabel, Sebastian, Charlotte, Meredith, Lucas and many others would end up being happy too.

Those name made Louis's stomach turn upside down but he didn't have the right to be a martyr.

\- One of them didn't make it until the end of high school, two others abandoned after a few years. But I never stopped believing in them. I may could have try a little harder but  it wasn't my place either. I can only be there when people ask for my help and it is very hard sometimes to not cross that line, but I know that I don't have any choice. If I had came back to you earlier you never would have listened to me and it would have hurt a lot more – for the both of us. So I let you go and kept everything inside of me so you wouldn't have to bother with it. And I hoped you would be able one day to feel happy. That your job would suit you, your father would support you and your girlfriend would love you for the person you are.

Harry stopped to sit on a bench in a quiet park. The night was a little bit cold but Spring was on its way.

\-  To answer to your questions, I do not want anything from you. I just want people to be happy and to have a life they are happy to live. It is the only thing that matters to me. That is why I help you. And you may think I am not doing anything but trust me, you have nothing to do with the one you were when I approached you that night.

Louis looked up and saw the look in Harry' eyes. He understood.

\- Do you realise that you helped homeless, ugly, smelly, and what you could have called  _useless_ people without asking them for anything in return? You have never even had been paid for all the hours of cooking you did. For the words you said to them, for the warmth you offered them. And a few days before you did that you were firing an employee because she wasn't looking good enough. Can you just imagine how much you rose up from what you were?

He stopped for a bit, leaving the words in the air so they could print inside of Louis's brain. He was looking in the middle of nothing and if he wasn't sitting he thinks his legs would have let him fall.

The noises of the city were calm. Hades sat next to him and put his head on his knees.

\- I heard you working too. I know you try to not make a sound when you work at night but I always hear you and I listen to what you say. I noticed the changes in you voice when you are on the phone. I noticed how you always struggled to go to sleep after those talks at the beginning, and how now you barely move at all. Is it because you feel better about your work? Is it because you don't feel bad any more now, because you haven't fired anyone in a month?

Louis couldn't open his mouth. It was true, so true and so good he couldn't believe it. What, so now he was able to be a good person? This was all to make him feel closer to unlucky people? So that he can understand his employees and treat them well?

\- You are a better person, Louis. And I am happy to be by your side. Even if your face is a lion-like, and if you have a tail on your back. You know why?

Louis looks at him almost scarily. Did he want to know why?

\- Because appearances do not matter. It doesn't matter if you are ugly or beautiful, it doesn't matter if you are a monster outside or an angel. What truly matters is what is in your heart. And now you are able to understand that. I know that you can.

He got back up and started pacing back and forth. Hades looked up at him in a questioning way but he didn't, he couldn't pay attention to him.

It all made sense. He could understand it and he could understand what mattered, and it was just amazing and yet …

\- Have I gone wrong all my life, then?

He looked so scared, so lost Harry smiled while caressing his dog.

\- It doesn't matter. What matters is what you want to do with your life, now.

The comforting feeling that washed through his body was so calming his legs almost gave up.

This was the good kind of jell y.

 

**

_ A few months later. _

\- Harry!

Louis shouts. Hades barks at his feets like he doesn't recognise him. It makes him feel sad but the warmth in his belly is way too important for it to matter.

\- What's going on, Lou?

Harry's face is sleepy and he's still in his pyjamas pants but it doesn't matter either. Louis has been up all night working and even if it's seven in the morning and if it's the week-end so Harry doesn't have to wake up, none of it matters. It's too big, he's too happy his entire life just changed. Like it had that time where he woke up in a lion's shape.

And at the second Harry looks up he understands why he should not be angry at Louis.

His face is human again.

And the gigantic smile plastered on it is enough for him to understand that he already noticed that.

\- Louis, it's ...

Louis only jumps in his arms and huddles him without an ounce of hesitation.

\- I understand it now. I know why it didn't work before. I stopped caring and my mind changed about it, so it came back to normal. I just hired back that woman I told you about, I finally managed to contact her and we talked the entire night and I told her that I still had this malediction but it wasn't about that if I was hiring her back. And in the end she believed me and accepted to come back. She said that I just saved his baby! She can take it back from her friend's and I feel so happy but I'm so sad because it was my fault if she lost it in the first place and I-

\- Shh, shh it's okay Lou, it's okay. The past can not be changed, only the future matters remember?

Louis nods his head that is still hidden in the crook of Harry's neck. He knows yes. He knows that.

And he takes a step back because there is an other thing that he knows too. And it is something really important.

\- It's all because of you, Harry. I would never be able to thank you enough.

Harry shakes his head but before he can add anything Louis presses his lips to his. Harry's eyes go wide.

But he melts into it and wraps his hands around his middle. This is the only thing he needed as a  _Thank you_.


End file.
